Friday, October 6, 2017

March .. Really?

I cannot believe it has been so long since I posted here.  Some things have changed and some have not.  Kody is still with us despite being on hospice for a whole year as of October 22nd.  His health is declining and he relies on us for everything.  This is not the way I envisioned things with him at all.  I anticipated he would be my problem child, but in a different way.  But his disease changed every aspect of his life and my dreams for his existence.  Sometimes I wish it was all over because on a daily basis I watch him as he struggles to do even the basic things in his life.  Bathing on his own is a thing of the past because he could slip down into the water and not be able to resurface.  We tried to give him the laptop to use and he cried in frustration because it is too hard for him to even use the mouse or the keys.  Can you imagine watching your basic milestones slip away and not being able to do anything to stop it?  I have found some times that I am thinking of the letter I will send his biological when he does pass.  The anger that may go into it because he made no attempts to be a part of Kody's life.  Or will I thank him for walking away and not causing us more grief than he already had prior to Kody's diagnosis.  Then I wonder if I will bother to contact him at all.  Is he really worth the time and effort once Kody has passed on?  Will has been dad since Kody was nine years old.  He has been there through the progression but also the good times while they happen.  Good times?  Sarcastic remarks or jokes or playing the video games together.  Will is a true father to him.  I remember asking Will to look up Friedreich's Ataxia before making the leap into our lives for the long haul.  Honestly, I thought he would walk away once he seen the literature but he didn't.  I really respect him for that. 

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

I Think This Is Why I Married Him

When stress hit me like a ton of bricks I think my DH notices before he realizes he does.  You see where I am emotional he is logical.  It is a balance that can drive me mad at times and makes me get butterflies at others.

New Goals & Changes To Come

Can you believe it is really 2017??  I mean seriously?  Well in 2015 I put the paper work together to file chapter 7 because honestly that is the only way I seen of getting out of the mountain of debt that I admittingly contributed to a BIG portion of.  You see, I got a little credit card happy and at one time had about 9 of them.  Using them for this or that wasn't the problem but rather the fact that we accumulated more that we really had the ability to pay off.  So June 22nd 2018 will make 2 years since the discharge of CH 7 and we can file for a mortgage and get a permanent house.  We do plan on moving into a new rental this summer but plan for it to be the final rental home we have.  Since I last blogged there has been a ton of things going on, like:
RIKKI UPDATES:  Rikki signed with an agency in 2014 for acting.  Sometimes she talks about wanting to quit but other times not so much.  She is good at what she does so we want her to push forward to achieve what we know she can achieve. The thing is she has so much more to her than she even gives herself credit for or realizes.
NISA UPDATES:  Nisa is now living in Ohio with her bf.  She decided against nursing school and has taken a hiatus from schooling.  She said that her true passion is art but she was told there isn't a future in it.  There is a future in it you just have to keep pushing forward to find the future and purpose.  I do hope she plans to go back and will ask her about it more in depth at a later date.
KODY UPDATES: Kody is hanging in there despite what the doctors think.  He went onto hospice from home 10/22/2016 and they usually bring them on service happens when they believe they have 6 months or less to live.  Crazy, huh?  04/22/2017 makes 6 months and he is still doing as well as to be expected.  He is in diastolic heart failure and requires us around the clock but in his own way he is still the mess he always has been.

Kody created a GoFundMe page: https://www.gofundme.com/foreverhome-Kody in an effort to help his family out.  He said if we can get a house then when he passes he can be placed in a bio-urn and planted to be a mighty oak tree in the backyard of the house.

We now have 2 furbabies.  Sadie is a puggle and will turn 4 on May 23rd and Athena is a rottweiler who will be 2 on May 5th.  They have completed our family.  We have ended our TTC road without having had our child together.  It was a tough decision but having to provide for our existing family has to come above the financial efforts to have our child together.  It is a sad thing because honestly this is not how we thought our journey should have ended but it is something we don't have control over.


Sunday, April 24, 2016

We are working on some goals to handle over the next 2 years.  On the 21st of April we went to court to be able to finalize the Chapter 7 that we filed last month.  Once we have the final paperwork we can work on rebuilding our credit to be able to get a vehicle and home for our family.  I have been working on compiling a list of work from home places so I can work from home.  We need something where it can travel with us and is something that can allow me to be flexible.  Not to mention a more stable income that will also allow me to work on customer orders for GurlFamous.

With KC small victories are still victories.  We went through a whole night without KC waking up crying because his feet hurt.  I am currently in search of heated socks for him to wear at night which will help temporarily with the blood flow to his legs. We seen his cardiologist on the 18th and they said his EKG hasn't changed but told us that the blood flow is not the way it should be when it comes to his legs.  They offered tips to help with it and said there are no medications to improve the flow.  If anyone has suggestions feel free to comment below.

As for the fertility/infertility front ... today is cycle day 18 for us and we are probably 3 days past ovulation.  The Clomid made ovulation way more intense.  I had times I was doubled over with lower tummy cramps.  According to my Ovia app it says we should be able to test in 10 days.  Today I ordered some hpt test strips from Amazon.  I think we got a good deal because it is a box of 25 for $10.99.   I have to say the progesterone surge that comes with the two week wait causes me to be tired.  It is more intense because of the medication we chose to take.  He is on Chinese herbs as well which are found to help increase quantity and quality of his troopers.  We are praying that this combination works for us and that we don't have to continue to try and raise funds for IVF.  It would honestly be a blessing and any prayers are welcomed and appreciated.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Time To Figure Some Things Out

Okay so this is the deal... I have remained  PRN for over a year now to allow for versatility in other parts of my life.  Ultimately I would like to work from home and that is my 2016 goal.  Why?  Well, that would not only allow me travel time but also frankly time to be my own boss sort of. Things financially have been tough but that is how life proves to you what is worth it and what isn't a necessity.   GurlFamous is slowly getting business and I'm working on building stock for the store.  Since it is all handmade items then it means it takes time to perfect what I am making. I have also decided to start creating patterns to sell which means making sample items.  Those then go into the stock that I'm building.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Life And It's Twists

Soon we will be taking a weeks vacation to my MIL house which is something I'm looking forward to.  I've called her and asked if she would make some of her famous chicken and dumpling soup.  She told me it may be too hot there to even want the soup but anyone who has had it knows there is no weather too hot to warrant not eating it.  Rikki and Kody are looking forward to seeing their Gma as well as Pepper.  This will be the first time my MIL and Pepper meet Sadie so this will be new ground.

Married life is going well.  Of course we have our ups and downs but we handle things as they come.  Being the mom of older kids is an experience in itself.  With each kid there are different obstacles to tackle and various reasons for both praise as well as correction.  Nonetheless I would not trade being a mom for anything in the world.   My DH has really stepped up and into the role of dad quite well.  He is definitely the more logical one where I'm the more emotionally driven parent.  Somehow though we balance it out. 

The rough TTC road has had bumps and dips that neither of us expected.  We were able to see a specialist to find out why we haven't conceived a take home baby and then lost the coverage as we were going to start the road to IVF.  Now we have opened a GoFundMe page to raise the IVF funding.  It is crazy that we can afford another child but it will take thousands to attempt to have that baby.  Life is definitely interesting.  

We are getting another dog for the house.  We put a deposit down with a breeder and was supposed to get a pup this April but only one pup was produced in a litter that he was expecting multiple litters of pups.  They are in the process of deciding if they will let us take the pup or if we will have to wait until the next litter.  So at the moment we are in limbo with that.  

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Wow I made a bone head move yesterday morning before work.  I put on my scrub top and then realized it was inside out (excuse me it was 3:45am) and when I took it off to turn it the right way I scratched the bridge of my nose.  Yea I know, idiot lol.  I finally home after my shift and relaxing with Sadie laying by my side.  She didn't like it very much because I really had to get up to pee.  Okay sorry TMI I know I know but hey it's true.  I am taking on more responsibilities at my clinic and I love it.  It is nice to be a valued part of the team.  Although I do not know how valuable I was to my family this weekend.  Beyond taking Rikki to an acting class, all I wanted to do was sleep.  I think my body is trying to be sick and I am fighting to not get sick.  Well, this weekend the body won. 

Now it is like 6am and everyone else is sleeping but me.  Why the hell am I up at this point? It could be the combination of my hubby snoring and the puggle chick who was insisting on licking her paw.  My DH thinks it is funny that her licking can wake me from a sound sleep and annoy the crap out of me.  I don't find it so funny though.  Usually a few nudges get them both to stop but not this morning.  Then of course the bathroom calls my name and so I just go ahead and grab my phone and check messages while I'm in there.  Then off to the living room to send some emails and watch the news.

Rikki has school stuff to do later after the meeting I have with her homeroom teacher.  She is coming a long with the HS and next school year will go smoother than this year did.  Her acting is going well though I tend not to discuss it with anyone other than a good friend and my DH.  

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